Can I include people I'm no longer close with in my story?

Written By Jonathan Schuler

Can I include people I'm no longer close with in my story?

This is a question that comes up all the time! Short answer: Yes. You're honoring their role in your faith journey, not endorsing your current relationship.

Understanding the Purpose

Cloud of Witnesses is about mapping how God's faithfulness shows up through real, imperfect people. When you name someone in your story, you're not saying "this person is perfect", or "we're still close friends", or "I approve of everything they've done".

You're simply acknowledging: "God used this person in my journey, even if our paths later diverged."

The Guiding Principle

Ask yourself this question:

"Did this person genuinely influence my faith journey, regardless of where our relationship is now?"

If YES → Include them. Their role in your story is a historical fact, separate from your current relationship.

If NO (or if naming them would cause harm) → You have full permission to leave them out.

When to Include Someone

You can include people even if:

  • You've drifted apart over the years

  • You had a falling out or disagreement

  • The relationship ended on difficult terms

  • You no longer attend the same church

  • Your theological views have diverged

  • The friendship naturally faded

Examples where you WOULD include someone:

  • A college friend who invited you to church, but you haven't spoken in 10 years

  • A mentor who discipled you early on, but you later had theological disagreements

  • An ex-spouse who was part of your faith journey during your marriage

  • A former pastor who shaped you, even though you left that church on difficult terms

  • A childhood Sunday school teacher you've lost touch with

  • A youth group leader who influenced you, even though you've moved to different cities

When You Might Leave Someone Out

You can absolutely omit someone if:

  • They spiritually abused or manipulated you

  • Their "influence" was actually toxic and you had to unlearn their teaching

  • Naming them would re-traumatize you or cause emotional harm

  • Including them would harm them (if they've asked not to be publicly associated with you)

  • The relationship involved abuse, betrayal, or significant harm

Your mental and emotional health matters. Healing takes priority over historical completeness.

Think of It Like This

You're creating a historical record, not a current endorsement.

This is similar to acknowledging:

  • "My 3rd grade teacher taught me to read" (even if you'd never want to see them again)

  • "My dad introduced me to baseball" (even if your relationship is strained)

  • "That boss taught me leadership" (even though you clashed and left the job)

The fact that someone played a role doesn't erase the complexity of the relationship.

A Biblical Perspective

The Apostle Paul mentions people in his letters who later abandoned him or caused him pain:

  • Demas, who "loved this present world" and deserted Paul (2 Timothy 4:10)

  • Alexander the metalworker, who "did me great harm" (2 Timothy 4:14)

  • Those who "deserted me" in his time of need (2 Timothy 4:16)

Yet Paul still acknowledged their existence in his story. Why? Because God's faithfulness shows up through imperfect people and complicated relationships. Your Cloud of Witnesses will include messy relationships. That's the reality of the church.

Practical Options

If you're uncertain about naming someone, here are three approaches:

Option 1: Include them without detail

"A friend from college invited me to a Bible study that changed my life." You know who it was. You don't need to name them publicly if it feels complicated.

Option 2: Include them with honesty

"My former pastor John Smith taught me to love Scripture, even though we later disagreed on major issues." Acknowledge both the good influence and the complexity.

Option 3: Leave them out entirely

If their presence in your story causes harm to you or others, you have full permission to omit them. Your story is still complete without every detail.

What About Privacy?

Remember:

  • You control your story. You decide who to name and how much detail to share.

  • You're not required to tag people publicly. You can mention someone's influence without linking to their profile or using their full name.

  • You can always edit later. If you include someone and later decide it doesn't feel right, you can remove them.

Still Have Questions?

If you're wrestling with whether to include a specific person in your story, consider:

  • Talking to a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor

  • Praying about whether naming them honors God and protects your heart

  • Remembering that you can always start without naming them and add details later

You don't have to get it perfect. Just be honest.

If you have specific questions or need guidance, reach out to us at hello@cloudofwitnesses.co. We're here to help.

Jonathan Schuler